> "trill" <tri...@juno.com> wrote in message
> news:3cb385f2$0$83394$45beb828@newscene.com...
> > Dear 14,
> >     This is a grave and large loss.  I have deep sympathies for you.

> Thank you...

>  Should
> > you wish to talk about the difficulties, both logistic and emotional, I
> will
> > be glad to listen and offer condolences, comfort, and, if any sort of
> > miraculous insight or knowledge about dealing with and coping in the
> > situation strikes me, I will offer it to you.

> So far so good but if I run into trouble you will be the first person I
will
> contact.  We may not always agree but you are very well versed in this
> particular area.

> >     The 14 thing, I mean timing and your name and the significance of
your
> > name.  Wow.  Oh no!

> Yeah, kinda prophetic isn't it?

> >     I'm not trying to depress you more or inspire worsened grief.  It's
my
> > philosophy, fwiw, however, not to try and tell people that it will all
be
> > all right when they know as well as I that it won't.

> Thanks for not patronizing, as most people know it takes a long time and
> lots of work to grieve through a lost relationship.  I know in time it
will
> get better but for now it just sucks.

>  I prefer to
> > acknowledge how bad it is, show respect for the grief, and offer my
> support
> > during the throes of it.

> :)

> >     Perhaps that time has passed for you.  If so, you are more resilient
> > than I, and I tip my hat to you.  For me, working out all the logistical
> > cr*p of moving and getting set up in my new home would be a distraction.

> Moving and setting up has been a distraction but comes the night and it
all
> flows back into my mind and heart and we weep well into the darkness.
> Ironically we don't long for the ex we long for our dog and the emptiness
> the loss brings.  The ex made all the decisions and we had no control and
> she decided we could not have our dog.  Considering we had to move into
> section 8 it was a moot point but it would have been nice to have a
choice.
> The silence of not hearing our dog snore or the clicking of her nails on
the
> floor or the barking when a stranger comes to the door is profoundly sad
for
> us.  We weep as we type this....

> > Once I was sorta settled, the overwhelming bit would catch up to me.  I
> > would and I have, when love and intimate companionship has been lost,
> spent
> > weeks to months looking at the walls and doing little else other than
> > changing my weight in one direction or another.

> I refuse to pine away and waste my time locked in my apartment.  I go to
> group, t, and am meeting neighbors.  I have friends over who are helping
me
> assemble one big ass computer desk, and then we laugh when we've
discovered
> we put the wrong thingy on the wrong thing.  I will grieve but I will also
> live my life as best I can.

>  Whatever the case for you
> > right now, I urge you to read b*ll (e) ho*ks(o) book called _All Abo*t
> > L*ve_.  She wrote it when she and a partner of many years ended their
> > relationship.  It is sensitive, thoughtful, insightful, articulate, and,
> > most importantly, it inspires hope in the midst of the most profound
sorts
> > of grief.

> I'll pick it up, thanks for the suggestion.

> >     I live in similar economic circumstances to yours.  If you want any
> > consultations on ways in which I have coped with that and resources that
> > I've located and tapped into, please ask.  I'll be glad to share
> everything
> > I know.

> I will, my pride will not stop me from asking for help.  :>)

> >     With everything going on in the economy and Dubya at the helm, I
think
> > you are EXTREMELY lucky to get the increasingly rarer Section 8 housing.

> I was very lucky.  I found a "no wait" list and zipped right through in
less
> than 3 weeks.

> I
> > don't know what that's like in your state, but here, where the poor live
> in
> > the shadow of a big chunk of some of the wealthiest and most influential
> > people in the world, we manage to get some pretty good bennies.

> Yeah, I now live in the wealthiest square mile and I'm learning about he
> bennies as I go.  The 2 gals who run the office here are very
knowledgeable
> and helpful.

> This is
> > because the rich are always throwing away so much of their stuff --
stuff
> > that's in great condition, too.
> >     I don't have Section 8 housing.  Instead, the county gives me $200.
of
> > rental assistance.  This means that I pay $500 a mo for a so-rated $700
> > apartment.  The county also pays my utility bills.  Now, of course this
> > helps, but consider the ratio of everything.  I get $605 per mo. from
> SSDI.
> > My health insurance, through COBRA, which I'm not willing to give up, is
> > $516 per mo.  But med*ca*d is just for pretend, so, luckily, my sister
is
> > willing to pay the premiums for me until med*care kicks in this coming
> > October.  Then I can get some supplemental insurance and a pharmacy plan
> for
> > less than half of those premiums.  I need that stuff.

> It's scary to have to live so close to poverty and the idea of being
> homeless.  I've read other threads where you've described your situation
> never dreaming I'd be in the same situation.  Irony....

>  Between thrpy and all
> > the other health care needs and medications I rely upon, even these high
> > premiums are a pittance compared to what I'd have to pay outa pocket for
> the
> > same services.
> >     Buying new music CDs and new books, even new used books, are things
I
> > miss tremendously.  When working, I used to go record and book shopping
> > every pay day and pick up absolutely everything I wanted.  I'm grateful,
> at
> > least, that I do have an enormous record and book collection.  I haven't
> yet
> > read all of my books and I haven't yet tired of listening to all of my
> > recordings.  I look forward to the day when I will be able to indulge
> myself
> > in those things again.

> You will my friend... some day.... we both will again....

> >     For a long time, after I stopped working and went on disability, I
hid
> > in shame inside of my apartment.  And all that happened to me as I ended
a
> > relationship with a woman who, although she behaved abusively to me, was
> > always a pleasure to look at, and she appealed to all of my other senses
> > equally well.  When she wasn't abusive stuff was great, of course.

> I am beginning to find out that the ex took advantage of our "lost time"
and
> how that impacted everything.  This week my t told me she thought the ex
had
> lied about something in a couples session, which was very validating for
me.
> I think we had a sick relationship and didn't recognize it and hind sight
is
> always 20/20.

> Thanks for all you've offered
> 14

> and good luck with everything else.

> later and soon,
> trill

> 14

> "trill" <tri...@juno.com> wrote in message
> news:3cb8a50d$0$305$45beb828@newscene.com...
> > I'm glad to learn that you are coping well with the difficult changes in
> > your life, 14.
> >     You oughta know that even places that don't allow dogs are forced by
> law
> > to accept "service" dogs.  In today's culture you can get a dog
designated
> > as a service dog for help with mental health issues.  By doing this, I
was
> > permitted to have my dog visit me when I was in the hsptl.  Also,
several
> > social and case workers as well as lawyers have told me about this
> regarding
> > housing.  They all said the same thing:  Get the housing, then let the
> > management know that you are in need of a service dog.  Especially
Section
> 8
> > housing is susceptible to this loophole.  What I'm saying is, with the
> right
> > documentation from the right professionals, you should be able to get
> > yourself a dog.  I know of one guy with bi-polar stuff who got to bring
a
> > puppy whom he was training to work with him because the puppy was
> designated
> > a service dog.  So, try looking into that.

> > and good luck with everything else.

> > later and soon,
> > trill